As mentioned 2005-02-09, Tim has graciously typed in the story from the 01-26 meta game. Here is the email he sent out:
Here is The Metastory, which I would like to subtitle
"The Five Little Men and the Wacked Out Crap Ride."
All the words are as written, unless I read something
wrong. Each person's name precedes his/her section.
Five little people were walking from home to the store to buy iceberg lettuce. They liked iceberg lettuce best because it was good for the soul and also good for
acting as a way to fill up the stomach. They are poor people who needed the other food to fill the stomachs. All five of them were trying to save
the princess from the iceberg golem, but as they were very very very very little people, they were having trouble (for little people have little minds you know).
But they were stopped en route by a tiny ant who tripped all five creatures before they could go very far. As a result all five guys wept buckets of tears and stumbled in place in pain.
The ant drowned in their tears, but not before crawling, biting and killing each other in a mad boiling frenzy, and then the tiny men stood up. So
(Tim) the five little people proceeded to continue their quest to save the princess. They were about to cross a golden bridge when suddenly a booming voice cried, “Halt!”
The voice then said you need to pay a toll to cross the bridge and the little people said but all we have is iceberg lettuce. The troll under the bridge said, “Ok that’s fine
for I love to kill people who can’t pay the toll. The troll ate the very little people and got a terrible case of indigestion. He then felt a great urge to leave the bridge and find
the potato of doom which was said to cure stomach woes. The troll began to puke and howl and clutch his chest in pain. He crawled slowly, praying he finds the potato soon before he died.
He found the potatoe of doom but it was guarded by darth tater who said I’m crushing your head.
Which he did by pretending to crush his head with thumb & forefinger. Like the Kids in the Hall! But this troll had never watched TV and so he was the inventor of this trick and
Therefore he was the best and most ut, as the Inuit people say. But he was never to know true love; instead he died friendless and alone, like
a puppy thrown in a bag and then tossed in the river alone in the cold dark waters abandonded by his loved family and
trodden down by the man, oppressed and running out of time
because time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so, & so he felt himself dissolving into bright light as all the colors spread like a wacked out mushroom trip & he realized that his butt itched.
He reached down and itch his ass, but the skin peeled away leaving red rakes. Blotching profusely from his full moon the chains dragged the man
a wide double thick zuchini that trailed fetid poop behind his cloven hooves which tap danced their final tango with that old trickster death who tickled his eyeballs.
From behind, but it was really the little men trying to escape, and they burst out and went to the store and bought spinach cuz it’s healthier.
It seems that according to ancient legend spinach is especially healthy for little men who suffer from low iron levels in their blood due to a lack of minerals in their diet when they party down in the field.
which they proceeded to do, party down in the field that is. Spinach makes them drunk, you see.
The drunkenness of 5 little men is not like one would think. They frolic in an eldritch manner, with squamous flapping of their hidden gills, which ooze pus and phloegm like mucus.